我們正在為我們的未來創造文化
我們正在為我們絕跡後留下遺跡
我們想要傳遞給 在我們人類之後到來的物種 的到底是什麼樣的信息？
We are making culture for our future
We are leaving relic after our extinction
What is our message to whatever comes after us?
everything’s never lost
在你最黑暗的時刻請你記得，其實你並沒有失去一切。
At your darkest hour please remember, everything is not lost.
———————
“Everything’s Not Lost” - Coldplay
當我細數我大大小小的心魔
發現原來每天都會有一個
我把其中的善意放在肩膀上
然後把其他的惡意趨趕走
When I'm counting up my demons
Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulder
I drove the other ones away
如果你曾經覺得被忽略
如果你以為失去了所有
我會在這細數我的心魔
期盼著其實我並沒有失去一切
If you ever feel neglected
If you think all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons yeah
Hoping everything's not lost
當你以為一切都已經完結
你全身上下都可以感覺到
每個人都為打擊你而出現
你可別就這樣淪陷了
When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
Everybody's out to get you
Don't you let it drag you down
因為如果你曾經覺得被忽略
如果你以為失去了所有
我還是會在這細數我的心魔
期盼著其實我並沒有失去一切
'Cause if you ever feel neglected
If you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons yeah
Hoping everything's not lost
唱出聲來吧⋯
其實我們並沒有失去一切
我從沒有故意要對你不好
我來這裡就是為了告訴你
但是如果我做錯了，那麼我很抱歉
我不會讓這個錯誤橫亙在你我之間
因為我的腦無法抑制的憎恨我自己
當我想著那些我不該做的事
但是我們都知道，生命是為了生活而存在
而我不想一個人生活
唱出聲來吧
然後繼續的唱下去
Singing out ...
Everything's not lost
Now I never meant to do you wrong
But that's what I came here to say
But if I was wrong, then I'm sorry
I don't let it stand in our way
'Cause my head just hates when I think of
The things that I shouldn't have done
But life is for living, we all know
And I don't wanna live it alone
Sing out
And just sing
Comfortable with mistakes
在關於使用 非母語的語言 一事上，我常常在用日語交談時收到這樣的反應：
On the subject of speaking a non- mother tongue language, I get this a lot when speaking Japanese:
「你聽起來說得真溜！」
我的回覆是：「⋯只因為我說得很多，足夠讓我不介意我的錯誤」
“You sound so fluent when you speak!’
Me: “... only because I speak enough of it, that I am comfortable with making mistakes.’
我們最大的阻礙就是對 丟臉 的恐懼。
The only obstacle is the fear to embarrass ourselves.
Together with the chips
幾年前我們買了一些手工製作的墨西哥陶板磚。上週我們終於在房子裡把它們鋪出來了。它們溫柔的起伏，意外的狗爪子印，不規則的勾縫線⋯在在都充滿了懷舊的美麗。看著它們反射著黃昏的金光甚至讓我眼眶泛淚。但是它們在鋪下的過程中又是這麼容易破碎，造成整個地面處處都散落著大大小小的缺口。
We bought some handmade Mexican terra-cotta tiles few years back. Last week we finally laid them in the house. The soft undulations, accidental paw marks, irregular grout lines... are all so nostalgically beautiful. Seeing them reflecting the sunset glow brought tears to my eyes. But they are so easily chipped in the process of laying, that all these inevitable chips scattered through the floor.
你說：「我們必須連這些缺口在內一起愛它們。」
You said: “we need to love it even including the chips”
我懷疑，對人，我們是否有辦法像愛這些陶板磚一樣的愛他們？
I wonder, are we able to love people, like how we love the tiles?
Coexistence of feelings
我們可以因為某事的結束而感到悲傷的同時，因為同一某事的結束而感到快樂。同樣的一件事情可以引發完全相反的感覺，而且你知道嗎？這些相反的感覺甚至不是不相容的。
We can feel happy that something is over, whilst we feel sad that the same something is over. Same occurrence can provoke completely opposite feelings, and guess what? These feelings are not exclusive of each other.
在我們哀悼的同時居然也感覺慶幸 其實也沒有什麼不可以⋯歡迎見證奇怪複雜而美麗的 人性。
There is nothing wrong to grieve whilst cheering... welcome to the peculiarly complicated beautiful humanity.
Procrastination
我們人類大多患有拖延症。
We humans procrastinate.
當我們面對一件事情時，通常都會有複數的可能方法去處理它。在我們決定選擇一個方法並將其付諸行動前，所有的可能性都仍然是可行的；一旦我們將決定付諸行動後，所有其他的可能性自然而然的不復存在。換句話說，我們的行動殺死了這些可能性。
When confronted by one matter, there are always multiple possible ways to approach it. Before we make a decision and put it into action, all the possibilities are valid; once we put the decision into action, there are naturally no longer other possibilities. In another word, our action kills off the possibilities.
諷刺的是，如果沒有這個殘忍的「可能性殺戮行動」，我們將無法前進並超越我們一開始面對的事情。
The irony is, without this savage “killing of possibilities”, we can not move forward beyond the matter that confronted us in the first place.
我們拖延，只是因為我們害怕。
We procrastinate, just because we are afraid.
Muscle reflex
「我是怎麼到達這裡的？」是一個當我發現自己週六清晨趴在衝浪板上時，常會問自己的問題。這是一個直白的問題，尤其當這個清晨是一個又冷又風大的寒冬清晨。
“How did I get here?” is a question I sometimes ask myself, when I find myself on a surfboard early on a Saturday morning. It is a literal question, especially when the morning is a cold windy one in the midst of winter.
one amazingly dreamy foggy sunrise
問題的答案一樣直白。我會在這48小時前開始觀察浪潮資訊，選好海灘，按照潮汐設定了名為「衝浪」的鬧鐘，起床，擦上防曬油穿上潛水服（雖然穿著它開車真的很不舒服我還是寧願先穿），吃了簡單的早餐，把衝浪板放到車子裡面或車頂上，開車到海灘，現場觀察一下浪潮，在沙灘上拉筋，趴在板上划水出去⋯然後發現我又在想「我是怎麼到達這裡的？」。在起床前的所有步驟都是一種期盼，那之後的所有步驟就幾乎是肌肉反射動作了。從我的床到穿上潛水服的衛生間，這之間的5步距離，就是這個肌肉反射動作的觸發點。
The answer is also just as literal. I would have been monitoring the tide information from 48 hours prior, chosen the beach, set my alarm according to tidal movement naming it “surfing”, waken up, put on the sunscreen and wetsuit (as uncomfortable as it is to drive in I still prefer to), eaten a light breakfast, loaded the board in or on top of the car, driven to the beach, observed the tide, stretched on the sand, paddled out... then found myself thinking “how did I get here?”. All steps before waking up are anticipation; from that point onwards it is almost muscle reflex. The 5-step distance between my bed and the bathroom where I put on the wetsuit, is the trigger to kick start the muscle reflex.
在我們的人生中，如果想要到達任何一個地方 - 不管是好的，壞的，還是只是一個中繼站 - 都需要經過一連串的步驟與行動。有的時候這些繁複的步驟與行動似乎很嚇人，甚至會讓人裹足不前，不知道從何開始。但是如果我們能夠慢慢建立起一系列正面的「肌肉記憶」，或許有這麼一天，我們可以像肌肉反射動作般，自然的 跨出第一步。
It always take a series of steps and actions to get to any place - good, bad, or just inbetween - in our lives. Those steps and actions can be daunting or even paralyzing, that we don’t know where to start. But if we are able to build a positive sequence of “muscle memory”, maybe one day, taking the first step can become a natural muscle reflex.
致，前進。
To moving forward.
Eternity is never a choice anyway
我一直記得，紅樓夢（石頭記）的開篇討論了「存在」對比「精彩」的概念。一個石頭得到了永久的存在但是沒有感情，感情幾乎是得到永恆存在的「車票」。年輕的我問自己，如果可以選擇，我會選擇永恆卻沒有感情的存在，還是相對短暫但精彩的存在？我的選擇曾經是，也仍然是，後者。
I always remember, in the introductory chapter of The Story Of The Stone, the notion of “existence” vs “liveliness” was discussed. A rock acquired eternal existence without emotion, emotion is almost the “ticket” to eternity. At a young age I asked myself, if there is a choice, would I have chosen an eternal but emotionless existence, or a comparatively short but lively existence? My choice was, and still is, the latter.
在某個階段一個朋友評論道，我的人生簡直像是午間電視的情節劇，甚至算不上黃金時段的。很多事情同時發生著，我也接受了這種誇張的戲劇性為我早先的選擇帶來的後遺症。直到最近我才被挑戰來重新審視這個想法。
At one stage a friend commented that my life resembled the midday tv melodrama - no, not even prime time. A lot was happening all at once, and I accepted the melodrama as consequence of my earlier choice. Only recently I have been challenged to rethink this.
當我年紀愈長需要面對的不再是誇張的戲劇性而是真實的風浪，而這些在我的意識裡不該與「人生」或「精彩」劃上等號。接受生活中的不公，負情緒，以及心痛不代表一個精彩的存在；平和的存在也不代表沒有感情。選擇本來就不是非黑即白的，我們唯一真正的選擇也只是盡力活著罷了。
As I got older it is not melodrama but real turbulence I have been facing, and it should not equate to my sense of what “life” or “liveliness” should be. Putting up with injustice, negativity and heartache in life does not mean a lively existence; a calm existence does not equate to emotionless either. The choice was never black and white, our only real choice is to live the best we can.
It’s not that bad
我昨天騎著新買的自行車騎了27公里來回去赴一個約。由於我騎自行車一向有點莽撞，所以就算是腳踏板輔助式的電動自行車，對我來說仍然是一個很有野心的挑戰。出發前我看好了路線，試著避開車速高的路段，結果卻是迷路了幾次後發現誤打誤撞的到了想避開的高車速路段。在那時我才看到了旁邊與高車速路段平行的一條小路，於是我沒有遲疑的轉向雖然陡斜卻低車速約小路，繞了一些路，然後準時的赴了約。
很多時候有一些人事物，不管我們付出了多少努力都避免不了。而當不可避免的事發生時，有時候其實並沒有我們想像的那麼糟糕，或者其實有別的出口 - 只是要到我們已經足夠接近了才能夠看得見。
深深呼吸，保持冷靜。
其實真的沒有那麼糟。
Yesterday I rode 27km on my new bicycle to an appointment and back. Being a weak cyclist, even though the bicycle is pedal-assisted it was still an ambitious challenge. I mapped out my route, tried to avoid fast roads with fast cars, only found myself lost several times along the way and ended up at the fast road I tried to avoid. Only then I noticed a small side street running parallel to the fast road, without hesitation I took the steep but slower side street, went around a slightly longer route and made it to my appointment on time.
A lot of the times there are things we simply can not avoid regardless of how much effort we put in. And when the unavoidable really happens, sometimes it’s not as bad as we thought, or there is a way to get out of it - which we can only see when we are that close.
Deep breath, stay calm.
It’s really not that bad.
My new found freedom
Culture and existence
文化是人類存在的唯一意義。
人類是這麼的不適於生存在這個星球上。我們不能夠太冷，太熱，太寂寞，有太多或太少他人的注意/ 自己的野心/ 目標/ 壓力⋯ 我們需要衣物，鞋子，房子，教育，社會結構，娛樂，還有更多更多，才能夠生存。
基本上，我們人類比地球上任何的生物都不如，如果 沒有文化。
Culture is the sole reason for mankind’s existence.
Mankind is so inadequate to survive on this planet. We can’t be too cold, too hot, too lonely, have too little or too much attention/ ambition/ purpose/ stress … in order to survive we need clothes, shoes, houses, education, social structure, entertainment, and more.
All in all, mankind is much less than any other living creatures on earth, IF without culture.
Don’t wait
豪爾赫·路易斯·波赫士：「栽種你的花園並修飾你的心靈，而不是等待別人為你送來花朵。」
不要等待；自給自足吧。
Jorge Luis Borges: “Plant your own gardens and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.”
Don’t wait; be self- sufficient.
No such thing
有時候當你在一段感情裏你可以感受到前所未有的寂寞。尤其是有 感情能夠終結寂寞 的不實際的期望時。
只有你才能終結你自己的寂寞。
Sometimes being in a relationship can be the loneliest feeling. Even more so because of the unrealistic expectation that relationship shall end loneliness.
Only you can end your own loneliness.
Control vs decision
瑪雅.安傑盧： “你或不能控制所有發生在你身上的事情，但你可以做出 不被它們貶低自我價值 的決定”
Maya Angelou: “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
Thanking trauma
今天我經過一個 因為過去曾有的創傷而一直避開的地方。然後我想像了一下 如果當初事情不同的話 現在的我的人生可能的樣子；我經歷了一個短暫的Nemo Nobody時刻。
可是你知道嗎？不管我有多少個人生分支， 最重要的是我現在有的這一個人生分支是好的。就算不是，我也會把它變成是一個好的。
感謝那曾經的創傷 把我從當時的路途撥開，我才會在我今天所在的地方。我們的人生中 太多事情不受我們控制的發生。如何面對這些事情的選擇，是我們唯一可以控制的。一步一步走著，也就到了一個自己可以認同的地方。
Today I walked past a place I avoided due to past traumatic events. Then I contemplated about how my life would have been if things were different; I had a Nemo Nobody moment.
But you know what? Doesn’t matter how many split lives I have, the most important is that the one I have right now is a good one. Or I make it into a good one.
Thanks to the traumatic event which threw me off my path, that I am where I am now. Things happen in our lives out of our control. How we choose to face it is the only control we have. One step at a time, I was able to slowly but surely get to this place I can agree with.
Kindness
我最近去了庫克群島的艾圖塔基。非常非常美麗的藍色珊瑚礁，夜星似乎要溢滿出地平線⋯但是最讓我驚嘆的是人們的友善，尤其是其他的旅行者。
Recently I have been to Aitutaki of Cook Islands. Beautiful beautiful blue lagoon, night sky filled with stars to the brim of horizon... but what amazed me the most is how friendly everyone was, especially the fellow travelers.
我想一般來說人們有種天然的慾望，想對別人好與帶給他們快樂，所以人們才能夠團結成為社會。但是當人們分別成不同立場的團體 - 無關好/壞，只是不同 - 有不同的利益與輕重順序，使得單純的「對人好」愈來愈困難，不管有沒有私心。
I think in general people have the natural urge to be nice and bring joy to others, which is how is humans bond to create society. But as people segregate into groups of different standing points - not better / worse, just different - with different interest and priority, it becomes increasingly difficult to simply “be nice”, with or without hidden agenda.
然而在我旅行時，我就只是「我」，不是某項目的建築師，某某的親人，某某的伴侶。某個方面來說這是異常自在的一種，簡單的存在的狀態。或許其他的旅行者也感受到了同樣的自在狀態。
However when I travel, I am “me”, not architect of the project, family of abc, partner of xyz. In a way it is liberating, to be in the state of simple being. Maybe other fellow travelers feel the same liberation.
你相信人性本善還是人性本惡？
我通常選擇相信前者 - 那是唯一能夠解釋當人們處於自在狀態裡，自然表露出的善意。
Do you believe humans are born kind or humans are born evil?
I always choose to believe in the former - that’s the only explanation for when people are in their liberated state, they display such genuine kindness.
Know
我生命中有一些朋友的另一半是他們唯一交往過的對象。
有時候我看著他們 會不由自主的好奇這會是什麼樣的感覺呢？可以不知道分手的苦澀，並且 - 理所當然的 - 認定了這麼一個人。
是因為他們不知道（任何其他人），還是因為他們知道（這個人值得他們的努力）？
Some people in my life have married the one only person he/ she has dated.
I sometimes look at them and can not help but wonder how it would feel, to not have known the bitterness of breakup, and to be so certain - by default - about being with this one person.
Is it because they don’t know (anyone else), or because they know (that this one is worth their effort)?
until you can't
你是怎麼樣和別人成為朋友的？你們之間必然存在著一些共同點 － 同一個學校，同樣興趣，一起工作，住在附近… 我覺得甚至可以說“朋友”是我們的某一部分的延伸。
How do you become friends with somebody? There must be some similarity - same school, same interest, same profession, same neighbourhood….. I feel it is fair to say that “friends” are an extension of a part of ourselves.
跟許久不見的朋友聚會一向都是令人深思的。在我們的歷史中有一段時間我們曾經共享了將我們聯繫成為朋友的共同點；在人生的路途上我們曾經同在一個地方。然後我們作出了不同的選擇－轉學，開始新的興趣，換工作，搬家到不同的城市/ 國家… －於是我們的共同點消失了。
It is always fascinating to catch up with a friend after a period of time. For a certain period of time in our history, we shared the similarity that has brought us together as friends; we were at the same place in life. Then we made different choices in life - changed school, started new hobby, changed job, relocated to new city/ country… - and our similarity disappeared.
由於我覺得朋友是我的某一部分的延伸，透過我的朋友們作出的選擇，我幾乎可以看到如果當初我作出不同的選擇的話，我的人生可以會是甚麼模樣；像是看著一個人生分支 。而每一次這樣的聚會後我總是會感覺到一種異樣的鼓舞：
As I see friends as an extension of a part of myself, it is almost as though I am seeing what my life could have been if I have made a different choice, through the choices my friends made; like seeing a split life . And every time after these catch-ups I felt a strange encouragement:
那是一個我本來可以擁有卻選擇不要的人生。在我選擇現在這個人生的同時我也放棄了其它的可能性－或許我本來能有的孩子，又或者我本來可以得到的穩定收入… 反之我現在能夠奢侈的專注於經由工作對這個世界作出我所能的微小貢獻，以及享有通過設計表達自己的自由。我需要不停前進直到我不再能夠，才能讓這個選擇值得我的人生。
That is the life I could have had but chose not to have. I chose the life I have now by giving up the other possibilities - child I could have had, steady salary I could have secured... Instead I have the luxury of being able to concentrate on what I can give to the world through my work, and the freedom of self expression through design. I need to keep going until I can’t, to make this choice worthy of investing my life.
這讓我想起了這首歌：
This song pops into mind:
———————
“On the Radio” - Regina Spektor
(選段 extract)
這就是這麼一回事
你一直年輕直到你不再年輕
你一直愛著直到你不再愛了
你一直嘗試直到你不再能夠
你一直笑著直到你流下眼淚
你一直哭著直到你終於笑了
而每個人都必須一直呼吸
直到他們嚥下最後一口氣
This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath
不，這就是這麼一回事
你窺視你自己的內心
你拿走了你喜歡的東西
然後試著愛上你拿走的東西
之後你把你創造的愛
塞入某個人的心裡
吸取那個人的血液
當你們攜手散步時
你希望你的愛不會受傷
但就算它受傷了
你仍然會再來一次
No , this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again
the right one
這是一個屬於“不願承諾”的年代。並不是因為時代變了，或人心變了，或我們生存的世界不同了。我想那更多是源由一種膨脹了的浪漫主義。
怎麼說呢?
流行文化不斷的強調 “命中註定“ 的理想主義， 不管是一個人，一個地方，一個東西，甚至是一件傢俱… 當你找到”命中註定“的那個，你就應該直覺的知道。相反的，如果你沒有感覺到甚麼直覺的共鳴之類的，那麼他/ 她/ 它 或許就不是”命中註定“。
真的嗎？
或許有的時候，但大部分不是。一對完美的情侶之所以完美只是因為，在經歷其它情侶會因而放棄感情的困難時，他們投資了大量的精力去克服這些困難；一個完美的家之所以完美只是因為，住在它裡面的人們所努力創造的回憶及渡過的人生種種… 我們甚至可以說是”堅持不懈“ 創造了”命中註定“。
老實說，我不認為有甚麼”命中註定“是不需要任何努力的。只不過是，在某個人事物所帶來的喜悅與美好遠遠超出其缺陷時，這些缺陷可以被原諒。
那麼，是不是當我們願意去原諒缺陷時，我們就可以准許自己去接近我們的”命中註定“呢？
This is the age of the non- committal. It is not because the time has changed, or nature of people has changed, or we live in a different world. I think it is more an inflated sense of romanticism.
How so?
Pop culture has been reinforcing the ideology of “the right one”, whether it is a person, a place, an object, a piece of furniture... when you found “the right one”, you ought to feel something different in your gut. On the flip side, if you don’t sense that gut feeling, he/ she/ it is probably not “the right one”.
Is it true though?
Sometimes, but not all the time. A perfect couple only becomes the way they are by investing a lot of effort to overcome the issues other couples have given up their relationships for; a perfect home only becomes the way it is because of the memory, the life one has created within... it is fair to say that “persistence” is what creates “the right one”.
And to be honest, I don’t believe there really is anything that is inherently ”right” without effort. It is more so when the pleasure and beauty something provides overpower it’s flaws, that the flaws can be forgiven.
Does that mean, if we are more willing to forgive the flaws, we are allowing ourselves to be at a place closer to “the right one”?
The world you see
我一個朋友嘗試經由實施一個”3-1法則”，來達到工作與生活的平衡。所謂的”3-1法則”就是：瘋狂工作3週，旅行一週。從她那裡我聽說了許多世界上最美好的旅遊勝地。
我們最近小聚了一下。她現在開心多了，但是已經停止了實施”3-1法則”。她說：
我本來是想從一些事情逃離。我猜想我現在可以接受，”事情就是這樣了“的事實。
最終，我們看世界的方式，決定了我們所在的是什麼樣的世界。外力（例如 ”3-1法則”）僅僅只是幫助我們達到某種心態 － 一個”濾鏡” － 的工具，讓我們能夠看到我們想看到的世界。我們的心態（而不是這些工具）才是達成目的的竅門。
A friend of mine was trying to achieve work/life balance by implementing a “3-1 rule”: work really hard for 3 weeks and travel 1 week. I hear about the most amazing destinations around the world.
We caught up recently. She is now a happier person, but has stopped the 3-1 rule. She said:
I was running away from something. I guess I have now accepted that it is what it is.
In the end, how we see the world determines what kind of world we live in. External forces (eg. The 3-1 rule) is only an instrument to help achieve a certain mindset - a filter - for us to see the world the way we want to. It is our mindset (rather than the instrument), that does the trick.
Simple story
今天我們的Uber司機告訴了我們一個故事：
他去了他妻子出生的，位於西西里島的一個小鎮，並見了她的家人親戚。男人們圍坐餐桌閒聊著。
男人A告訴男人B: “我必須告訴你一件事。如果你聽了不高興，那也沒辦法。”A開始告訴B他對B的不滿。
語畢，B站起來，走到A面前，看進A的眼睛。其他餐桌邊的男人們都以為一場架即將爆發...
B: “這是你要告訴我的事情的全部?”
A: “是。”
B: “你告訴我以後心裡舒服了嗎?”
A: “舒服了。”
B張開雙臂, A與B互相擁抱。
我只是想分享這個簡單而美麗的故事。
Our Uber driver told us a story today:
He visited the small town his wife was born at Sicily, and met her extended family. The men were sitting around the table chatting.
Man A said to man B: “I really need to tell you something. If you are offended then so be it.” A started telling B about what he was unhappy about B.
At the end of it, B stood up, walked over to A, looked A in the eyes. Other men at the table thought a punch out was brewing..
B: “Is that all you have to say to me?”
A: “Yes.”
B: “Are you happy that you told me?”
A: “Yes.”
B opened his arms, A and B hugged.
I just wanted to share this simple and beautiful story.