阿蘭.巴迪歐：”當有些事情不易達成時，如果我們允許自己接受將它放棄的念頭⋯我們將允許自己接受一個無趣的人生。”
Alain Badiou: “If we settle on the idea that as soon as something is hard, we have to give it up... we will settle for an uninteresting life.”
- NOWNESS movie “LoveSick: The Question of Love” by William Williamson
我想問的是，所謂無趣的人生是怎麼定義的？是什麼人的立場來決定的？
My question is, how is the so-called uninteresting life defined? And from whose point of view?
Wayne Dyer：「介於 花朵 與 野草 之間唯一的不同在於 人們對它們的批判」
最近，你是住在 繁花盛開的花園 中，還是 雜草叢生的荒地裡 呢？
Wayne Dyer : “The only difference between a flower and a weed is judgement”
Lately, have you been living in a blooming garden, or a overgrown field?
大流行疾病 是最能讓人類謙恭的警鐘之一。不管我們是否存在- 太陽依然升起，季節依然交替，地球依然旋轉。我們不過是許許多多的存在中的一種，並不比其他存在更好或更差。我們極有可能會消失，就像其他已經滅絕的存在一樣。
所以好好的生活吧，當我們還活著的時候。
Pandemic is one of the most humbling wake up call to mankind. With or without us- sun comes up, seasons change, planet Earth revolves. We are simply one of the many many existences, no more and no less than the others. We may well extinct like one of the many that already has.
So live, when we are alive.
4 years ago at Phnom Penh I caught a glimpse of the post-mankind Planet Earth; unexpectedly tranquil
在關於使用 非母語的語言 一事上，我常常在用日語交談時收到這樣的反應：
On the subject of speaking a non- mother tongue language, I get this a lot when speaking Japanese:
「你聽起來說得真溜！」
我的回覆是：「⋯只因為我說得很多，足夠讓我不介意我的錯誤」
“You sound so fluent when you speak!’
Me: “... only because I speak enough of it, that I am comfortable with making mistakes.’
我們最大的阻礙就是對 丟臉 的恐懼。
The only obstacle is the fear to embarrass ourselves.
我們人類大多患有拖延症。
We humans procrastinate.
當我們面對一件事情時，通常都會有複數的可能方法去處理它。在我們決定選擇一個方法並將其付諸行動前，所有的可能性都仍然是可行的；一旦我們將決定付諸行動後，所有其他的可能性自然而然的不復存在。換句話說，我們的行動殺死了這些可能性。
When confronted by one matter, there are always multiple possible ways to approach it. Before we make a decision and put it into action, all the possibilities are valid; once we put the decision into action, there are naturally no longer other possibilities. In another word, our action kills off the possibilities.
諷刺的是，如果沒有這個殘忍的「可能性殺戮行動」，我們將無法前進並超越我們一開始面對的事情。
The irony is, without this savage “killing of possibilities”, we can not move forward beyond the matter that confronted us in the first place.
我們拖延，只是因為我們害怕。
We procrastinate, just because we are afraid.
我一直記得，紅樓夢（石頭記）的開篇討論了「存在」對比「精彩」的概念。一個石頭得到了永久的存在但是沒有感情，感情幾乎是得到永恆存在的「車票」。年輕的我問自己，如果可以選擇，我會選擇永恆卻沒有感情的存在，還是相對短暫但精彩的存在？我的選擇曾經是，也仍然是，後者。
I always remember, in the introductory chapter of The Story Of The Stone, the notion of “existence” vs “liveliness” was discussed. A rock acquired eternal existence without emotion, emotion is almost the “ticket” to eternity. At a young age I asked myself, if there is a choice, would I have chosen an eternal but emotionless existence, or a comparatively short but lively existence? My choice was, and still is, the latter.
在某個階段一個朋友評論道，我的人生簡直像是午間電視的情節劇，甚至算不上黃金時段的。很多事情同時發生著，我也接受了這種誇張的戲劇性為我早先的選擇帶來的後遺症。直到最近我才被挑戰來重新審視這個想法。
At one stage a friend commented that my life resembled the midday tv melodrama - no, not even prime time. A lot was happening all at once, and I accepted the melodrama as consequence of my earlier choice. Only recently I have been challenged to rethink this.
當我年紀愈長需要面對的不再是誇張的戲劇性而是真實的風浪，而這些在我的意識裡不該與「人生」或「精彩」劃上等號。接受生活中的不公，負情緒，以及心痛不代表一個精彩的存在；平和的存在也不代表沒有感情。選擇本來就不是非黑即白的，我們唯一真正的選擇也只是盡力活著罷了。
As I got older it is not melodrama but real turbulence I have been facing, and it should not equate to my sense of what “life” or “liveliness” should be. Putting up with injustice, negativity and heartache in life does not mean a lively existence; a calm existence does not equate to emotionless either. The choice was never black and white, our only real choice is to live the best we can.
吹牛遊戲的唯一必勝法則，就是停止吹牛。
The only way to win at Bluff, is to stop bluffing.
所以在我終於可以穩定的乘到白浪（浪打下來後白色的泡沫）後，我現在嘗試著乘上綠浪（還沒打下來的玻璃色的海浪） 。這個嘗試帶給我3個寶貴的課程：
So after I am able to steadily ride the whitewash (foamy water after waves have broken), now I try to catch the green waves (clean unbroken waves). This brings me 3 valuable lessons:
1. 選擇我要試著乘上的海浪
1.Choose the wave to go for
逆著海浪划水到浪後排隊（衝浪人會在大約浪要形成的位置一字排開等浪，叫做line-up）是一件非常累人的事情。如果我為了乘上浪往岸邊划去，我就會失去我排隊的位置。如果我沒有乘上浪，我就會需要重新划水回到line-up⋯如此這般週而復始。我基本上還沒乘上綠浪就被這個過程耗盡了體力。這時我必須審視我應該選擇嘗試乘什麼樣的浪。與其嘗試乘上每一個浪，我需要學習「讀」浪的狀態才能夠選出適合我的浪，然後全心全力的嘗試乘上它。
Paddling up to the line-up at the back against the wave is a very exhausting exercise. If I paddle for a wave back towards the shore, I lose my position in the line-up. If I didn’t catch the wave I would need to paddle out to the line-up again… so on, so forth. I simply was worn out by the process before I caught any green wave. It comes down to what wave I choose to go for. Rather than going for every wave, I need to become better at “reading” the waves in order to identify the wave that’s suitable for me, then full-heartedly go for it.
正如我們日常生活中的各個無法避免的挑戰-小如某人的一句無心的話，大如照顧生病的家人。我們是要無關大小的與每一個挑戰硬碰硬呢，還是放下一些瑣碎的事而專心面對一些重要的，能夠左右我們或某人的人生的挑戰呢？
我決定要挑選我會出場的戰役。
Like every challenge in our lives.. there are always something challenging us on daily basis- little ones like someone said something wrong without the intention, big ones like taking care of lllness in family. Are we going to take every challenge head-on, or do we let go of some of them to focus on the challenge that matters, that would result in fundamental changes in some aspect of our or someone’s lives?
I choose to be selective with my battles.
2. 當決定了時，用盡全力划水
2. When decided, paddle as hard as you can
我曾經數次不能決定是否該乘這個浪而猶豫不決的划水嘗試。這保證了這個浪會從我的衝浪板下滑過，而非將我推進讓我成功乘上。
如果我沒有全力投入，或沒有準備充足，去捉住機會，機會是不會拉著我的手帶我前進的；機會只會從我身邊滑過。機會只有對準備好了全力以赴的人才是機會，對其他人都只是日常的事件罷了。
There have been times when I was undecided about the wave and paddled half- heartedly. It is guaranteed that the wave would pass me by.
If I was not committed, or ready, to catching the opportunity, it wouldn’t pick me up and take me with it; opportunity would only pass me by. Opportunity is only opportunity to the ones ready to commit, otherwise it is just another happening.
3. 會有下一個浪的
3. There will always be a next wave
但是如果我奮力嘗試卻仍然沒有成功乘上浪，只要靜心等待，下一個浪就會來了⋯ 只要我做好要全力以赴的準備。
But if I have tried and failed to catch the wave, just wait for the next swell, the next wave…. as long as I’m ready to commit the effort of catching it.
瑪雅.安傑盧： “你或不能控制所有發生在你身上的事情，但你可以做出 不被它們貶低自我價值 的決定”
Maya Angelou: “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
今天我經過一個 因為過去曾有的創傷而一直避開的地方。然後我想像了一下 如果當初事情不同的話 現在的我的人生可能的樣子；我經歷了一個短暫的Nemo Nobody時刻。
可是你知道嗎？不管我有多少個人生分支， 最重要的是我現在有的這一個人生分支是好的。就算不是，我也會把它變成是一個好的。
感謝那曾經的創傷 把我從當時的路途撥開，我才會在我今天所在的地方。我們的人生中 太多事情不受我們控制的發生。如何面對這些事情的選擇，是我們唯一可以控制的。一步一步走著，也就到了一個自己可以認同的地方。
Today I walked past a place I avoided due to past traumatic events. Then I contemplated about how my life would have been if things were different; I had a Nemo Nobody moment.
But you know what? Doesn’t matter how many split lives I have, the most important is that the one I have right now is a good one. Or I make it into a good one.
Thanks to the traumatic event which threw me off my path, that I am where I am now. Things happen in our lives out of our control. How we choose to face it is the only control we have. One step at a time, I was able to slowly but surely get to this place I can agree with.
我生命中有一些朋友的另一半是他們唯一交往過的對象。
有時候我看著他們 會不由自主的好奇這會是什麼樣的感覺呢？可以不知道分手的苦澀，並且 - 理所當然的 - 認定了這麼一個人。
是因為他們不知道（任何其他人），還是因為他們知道（這個人值得他們的努力）？
Some people in my life have married the one only person he/ she has dated.
I sometimes look at them and can not help but wonder how it would feel, to not have known the bitterness of breakup, and to be so certain - by default - about being with this one person.
Is it because they don’t know (anyone else), or because they know (that this one is worth their effort)?
你是怎麼樣和別人成為朋友的？你們之間必然存在著一些共同點 － 同一個學校，同樣興趣，一起工作，住在附近… 我覺得甚至可以說“朋友”是我們的某一部分的延伸。
How do you become friends with somebody? There must be some similarity - same school, same interest, same profession, same neighbourhood….. I feel it is fair to say that “friends” are an extension of a part of ourselves.
跟許久不見的朋友聚會一向都是令人深思的。在我們的歷史中有一段時間我們曾經共享了將我們聯繫成為朋友的共同點；在人生的路途上我們曾經同在一個地方。然後我們作出了不同的選擇－轉學，開始新的興趣，換工作，搬家到不同的城市/ 國家… －於是我們的共同點消失了。
It is always fascinating to catch up with a friend after a period of time. For a certain period of time in our history, we shared the similarity that has brought us together as friends; we were at the same place in life. Then we made different choices in life - changed school, started new hobby, changed job, relocated to new city/ country… - and our similarity disappeared.
由於我覺得朋友是我的某一部分的延伸，透過我的朋友們作出的選擇，我幾乎可以看到如果當初我作出不同的選擇的話，我的人生可以會是甚麼模樣；像是看著一個人生分支 。而每一次這樣的聚會後我總是會感覺到一種異樣的鼓舞：
As I see friends as an extension of a part of myself, it is almost as though I am seeing what my life could have been if I have made a different choice, through the choices my friends made; like seeing a split life . And every time after these catch-ups I felt a strange encouragement:
那是一個我本來可以擁有卻選擇不要的人生。在我選擇現在這個人生的同時我也放棄了其它的可能性－或許我本來能有的孩子，又或者我本來可以得到的穩定收入… 反之我現在能夠奢侈的專注於經由工作對這個世界作出我所能的微小貢獻，以及享有通過設計表達自己的自由。我需要不停前進直到我不再能夠，才能讓這個選擇值得我的人生。
That is the life I could have had but chose not to have. I chose the life I have now by giving up the other possibilities - child I could have had, steady salary I could have secured... Instead I have the luxury of being able to concentrate on what I can give to the world through my work, and the freedom of self expression through design. I need to keep going until I can’t, to make this choice worthy of investing my life.
這讓我想起了這首歌：
This song pops into mind:
———————
“On the Radio” - Regina Spektor
(選段 extract)
這就是這麼一回事
你一直年輕直到你不再年輕
你一直愛著直到你不再愛了
你一直嘗試直到你不再能夠
你一直笑著直到你流下眼淚
你一直哭著直到你終於笑了
而每個人都必須一直呼吸
直到他們嚥下最後一口氣
This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath
不，這就是這麼一回事
你窺視你自己的內心
你拿走了你喜歡的東西
然後試著愛上你拿走的東西
之後你把你創造的愛
塞入某個人的心裡
吸取那個人的血液
當你們攜手散步時
你希望你的愛不會受傷
但就算它受傷了
你仍然會再來一次
No , this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again