until you can't

你是怎麼樣和別人成為朋友的？你們之間必然存在著一些共同點 － 同一個學校，同樣興趣，一起工作，住在附近… 我覺得甚至可以說“朋友”是我們的某一部分的延伸。

How do you become friends with somebody? There must be some similarity - same school, same interest, same profession, same neighbourhood….. I feel it is fair to say that “friends” are an extension of a part of ourselves.

跟許久不見的朋友聚會一向都是令人深思的。在我們的歷史中有一段時間我們曾經共享了將我們聯繫成為朋友的共同點；在人生的路途上我們曾經同在一個地方。然後我們作出了不同的選擇－轉學，開始新的興趣，換工作，搬家到不同的城市/ 國家… －於是我們的共同點消失了。

It is always fascinating to catch up with a friend after a period of time. For a certain period of time in our history, we shared the similarity that has brought us together as friends; we were at the same place in life. Then we made different choices in life - changed school, started new hobby, changed job, relocated to new city/ country… - and our similarity disappeared.

由於我覺得朋友是我的某一部分的延伸，透過我的朋友們作出的選擇，我幾乎可以看到如果當初我作出不同的選擇的話，我的人生可以會是甚麼模樣；像是看著一個人生分支 。而每一次這樣的聚會後我總是會感覺到一種異樣的鼓舞：

As I see friends as an extension of a part of myself, it is almost as though I am seeing what my life could have been if I have made a different choice, through the choices my friends made; like seeing a split life . And every time after these catch-ups I felt a strange encouragement:

那是一個我本來可以擁有卻選擇不要的人生。在我選擇現在這個人生的同時我也放棄了其它的可能性－或許我本來能有的孩子，又或者我本來可以得到的穩定收入… 反之我現在能夠奢侈的專注於經由工作對這個世界作出我所能的微小貢獻，以及享有通過設計表達自己的自由。我需要不停前進直到我不再能夠，才能讓這個選擇值得我的人生。

That is the life I could have had but chose not to have. I chose the life I have now by giving up the other possibilities - child I could have had, steady salary I could have secured... Instead I have the luxury of being able to concentrate on what I can give to the world through my work, and the freedom of self expression through design. I need to keep going until I can’t, to make this choice worthy of investing my life.

這讓我想起了這首歌：

This song pops into mind:

———————

“On the Radio” - Regina Spektor

(選段 extract)

這就是這麼一回事
你一直年輕直到你不再年輕
你一直愛著直到你不再愛了
你一直嘗試直到你不再能夠
你一直笑著直到你流下眼淚
你一直哭著直到你終於笑了
而每個人都必須一直呼吸
直到他們嚥下最後一口氣

This is how it works 
You're young until you're not 
You love until you don't 
You try until you can't 
You laugh until you cry 
You cry until you laugh 
And everyone must breathe 
Until their dying breath 

不，這就是這麼一回事
你窺視你自己的內心
你拿走了你喜歡的東西
然後試著愛上你拿走的東西
之後你把你創造的愛
塞入某個人的心裡
吸取那個人的血液
當你們攜手散步時
你希望你的愛不會受傷
但就算它受傷了
你仍然會再來一次

No , this is how it works
You peer inside yourself 
You take the things you like 
And try to love the things you took 
And then you take that love you made 
And stick it into some someone else's heart 
Pumping someone else's blood 
And walking arm in arm 
You hope it don't get harmed 
But even if it does 
You'll just do it all again