這是一個屬於“不願承諾”的年代。並不是因為時代變了,或人心變了,或我們生存的世界不同了。我想那更多是源由一種膨脹了的浪漫主義。
怎麼說呢?
流行文化不斷的強調 “命中註定“ 的理想主義, 不管是一個人,一個地方,一個東西,甚至是一件傢俱… 當你找到”命中註定“的那個,你就應該直覺的知道。相反的,如果你沒有感覺到甚麼直覺的共鳴之類的,那麼他/ 她/ 它 或許就不是”命中註定“。
真的嗎?
或許有的時候,但大部分不是。一對完美的情侶之所以完美只是因為,在經歷其它情侶會因而放棄感情的困難時,他們投資了大量的精力去克服這些困難;一個完美的家之所以完美只是因為,住在它裡面的人們所努力創造的回憶及渡過的人生種種… 我們甚至可以說是”堅持不懈“ 創造了”命中註定“。
老實說,我不認為有甚麼”命中註定“是不需要任何努力的。只不過是,在某個人事物所帶來的喜悅與美好遠遠超出其缺陷時,這些缺陷可以被原諒。
那麼,是不是當我們願意去原諒缺陷時,我們就可以准許自己去接近我們的”命中註定“呢?
This is the age of the non- committal. It is not because the time has changed, or nature of people has changed, or we live in a different world. I think it is more an inflated sense of romanticism.
How so?
Pop culture has been reinforcing the ideology of “the right one”, whether it is a person, a place, an object, a piece of furniture... when you found “the right one”, you ought to feel something different in your gut. On the flip side, if you don’t sense that gut feeling, he/ she/ it is probably not “the right one”.
Is it true though?
Sometimes, but not all the time. A perfect couple only becomes the way they are by investing a lot of effort to overcome the issues other couples have given up their relationships for; a perfect home only becomes the way it is because of the memory, the life one has created within... it is fair to say that “persistence” is what creates “the right one”.
And to be honest, I don’t believe there really is anything that is inherently ”right” without effort. It is more so when the pleasure and beauty something provides overpower it’s flaws, that the flaws can be forgiven.
Does that mean, if we are more willing to forgive the flaws, we are allowing ourselves to be at a place closer to “the right one”?